A Soft Heart and Thick Skin

I see my Jackson with his goofy grin dancing in the dressing room in JC Penney's. He giggles at his reflection in the mirror as I try my hardest to button his uniform pants and check the length (he seems to be outgrowing everything these days). I can't help but laugh at his exuberance and exhilaration during this back-to-school shopping trip. He knows little of what lies before him as he embarks on the beginning of his school career.

But I do.

I know that what lies ahead he will have to encounter, deal with and adapt to without me by his side. I know this is ultimately for the best and I must embrace the bitter sweetness of letting him go and take the first step into becoming his own, independent person. A person who will soak up new things about the people and world around him, learn how to assert himself and stand up for what he believes in and figure out how to open his yogurt without my help (yes, even basics such as this!).

But even though I cannot physically be by his side, I know the Lord watches over my little boy. And this comforting truth prompted me to write a letter/prayer to my Jackson.

I pray you have a soft heart and thick skin. That when others say hurtful things to you or you overhear unkind words, they roll off you like drops of water. At the same time, I pray that your heart will not harden or become jaded by the cruelty of the world. I pray that the Lord will continue to nurture your tender spirit and compassion toward others- that you will be the one who makes friends with the friendless and stands up for the bullied. I pray that you will take delight in the study of the world around you, in books you can get lost in and in the uniqueness of each of your new friends. 

I love you, Jackson, and will miss our midday cuddles on the coach, but I look forward to the adventures you will have. And I can't wait to hear all about it when I pick you up from school. :)

The Superwoman Myth

As women, we are often misguided in our notions regarding the “strong Christian woman”.  We have built her up into some kind of spiritual superwoman. She doesn’t get discouraged or depressed. She has endless energy, no major weaknesses and doesn’t struggle with habitual sin and she has Michelle Obama’s perfectly sculpted biceps (okay, maybe that's just me!).

I am no theologian, but I would like to paint a picture of a different type of strong, Christian woman. The type of woman I am striving to be (although I'm definitely not there yet): A woman whose strength flows out of her weakness- who is not afraid to admit her failures, her anxieties and her shortcomings because she knows Christ’s power is made perfect in her weakness.

Recently, my friend, fellow missionary Amber Carter and I helped put on our Midwest women’s retreat. Our theme was: Sisterhood: Standing Strong Together, Empowered to Fight the Battle. We used military images as a metaphor for how we must band together as soldiers for Christ.

After one of our sessions, a dear friend and sister from one of our churches asked me what it meant to “Step up and fight the battle.” She further stated that she didn’t see herself as a soldier. I was surprised by her response. I know this woman- she is a leader of a wonderful women’s group in her church. She has a heart and passion to minister to the hurting. She once gave up the pair of shoes she was wearing during an outreach event at a park to a homeless woman who had no shoes. Without a second thought, she graciously gave them away and continued with the outreach in only her socks.

I replied, “You are already fighting the battle! You lead a women’s ministry in which you persevere despite health issues, conflict and trials. You push through even when times are tough.”

With tears in her eyes, she quietly said, “I don’t see myself as being strong. I’m tired and worn down.”

Giving her a big hug, I firmly reminded her, “You are a strong leader. You are a veteran soldier on the battlefield- faithfully serving our commander, Christ.”

Maybe you don’t feel strong today. Maybe your recent struggles and hardships have left you battered and bruised. Maybe you, too, feel the overwhelming presence of your own weaknesses.

But take heart! 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says,

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

To all my dear sisters in Christ: May you feel the power of the Holy Spirit in you. May you know the victory of our Lord over sin and death.  May you know the strength of Christ in your most weakest moments.

2014 in Review

Another year gone by...our boys are growing- from babies to toddlers and from toddlers to preschoolers. Our ministry is evolving in ways that are, on one hand, exciting and on the other hand, troubling. But through it all, God's hand of grace is always on us. So, I wrap up this year with some serious but mostly lighthearted lists:

Family Highlights
Daren and I celebrated 10 years of marriage!
We went to Puerto Vallarta with Tony and Shari!
Jackson started preschool at CCA and loved it!
Justus learned that being cute can manipulate mommy!
We, mom and Dad and Dana and Nick and our kids vacationed in Arkansas!
Daren and I visited New Orleans and attended Boomer and Andrea's wedding in Pensacola, FL!
Tina completed the 10K at Riverfest and won the Rosie the Riveter Contest!
Daren climbed another fourteener!
My brother, Scott, got married to a wonderful woman, Joetta!

Ministry Highlights
Daren led our first Christ the Victor Church Plant School!
Daren officiated his first wedding as a Reverend inside the Hutchinson Correctional Facility!
Tina, Mom and Dad planned the missions program for Emmaus and it went great!
Tina directed CAP (Candidate Assessment Program) for the first time!
Tina lead our Regional Women's Retreat and over 100 women attended!

Most-Played Songs on Ipod
"Counting Stars" - One Republic
"Shake it Off"- Taylor Swift
"All About That Bass"- Megan Trainor
"So Far Away"- Carole King
"Talk Dirty"- Jason Derulo
"Timber"- Pitbull
"Lose Yourself"- Eminem

Most-Watched Netflix Shows
Parks and Rec
Hell on Wheels
The Walking Dead
Fraiser
New Girl
Scandal

Thought-Provoking Books
"Expectations and Burnout: Women Surviving the Great Commission", Sue Eengenburg, Robynn Bliss
"Growing Through Stress", Kath Donovan
"Cross-Cultural Servanthood", Duane Elmer
"Hunger Games" Series, Suzanne Collins
"From Crip to Christ", Eric West
"When Others Shuddered: Eight Women Who Refused to Give Up", Jamie Janosz

I Survived...
Planning Scott and Joetta's wedding! It was crazy but so worth it to be a part of a beautiful wedding.
Coordinating the wedding, Christmas celebrations and helping Tambra as she and the family mourned the tragic death of Reisha (who was shot and killed by her boyfriend).
Daren's many travels as it was just the boys and I at home.
Another year of being a mom, missionary (with a variety of jobs!) and supportive wife (mostly supportive)!

Thank you, Jesus, for this past year!

His Eye is on the Sparrow

1. "Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
   Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
   When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
2. 
   
3. I have heard this song many times, but its words impacted me once again at a funeral I attended recently-the funeral of a young woman in our community who was shot and killed by her boyfriend. A woman of 19 who leaves behind two small boys.

In the midst of planning and preparing for the joyous occasion of my brother's wedding, I received the call from a dear friend that her niece (whom I knew as well), had been shot and killed. I grieved with her over the sudden death. I sat silently with her in her apartment as she grappled with the unknowns of the situation. Why was this young woman left to die on the street- alone and without comfort? Why would God allow a mother to be taken away so violently from the two little boys she loved? Not easy questions to answer. 

In the midst of Christmas and wedding celebrations, I felt a burden for those grieving and trying to process loss that I have never had to experience. Many of those grieving- siblings, cousins, parents- don't know the peace and hope of Christ.

The funeral service was packed with people- including many who are gang members. My heart ached as each person passed her coffin to say goodbye- the desperate sobs of those who will miss her most still echo in my ears.

Whose arms will these hurting souls run to? Do they know their Heavenly Father waits with open arms? He longs to heal their wounds and to hide them beneath the shadow of His wings.

After leaving the funeral, I will admit, I felt a sense of hopelessness. Can Christ truly penetrate the chaos, violence and poverty that I can only glimpse at? I know in my heart He can, but at times I feel unequipped to the task of urban ministry.

It's hard- plain and simple. It's gut-wrenching. It takes all you have and more and sometimes fruit is hard to see.

But I know His eye is on the city and more than that, He is at work in the city! He loves each person who attended that funeral and His hope is that each person come to know Him as Savior.

How thankful I am that Christ is my portion- that he sustains me when I am week and ill-equipped.

1. “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
   And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
   Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

No Room in the Inn

A young man wandered down our block this morning. He appeared lost and cold. He had no hat and  no gloves. My husband, who was working in our shed, noticed him and asked what he was looking for.

As he talked to him, he learned that this young man had been kicked out of his house. He was looking for a friend's house but did not have the correct address. He had no place to go, no place to stay. No adequate winter clothing to keep him warm.

We see these kinds of situations all the time in the city. People with out resources, family or hope. Somehow, though, these situations seem much more desperate in the harshness of the winter- when most families are making plans to celebrate Christmas inside warm houses.

It is no small matter that our Lord and Savior came into the world under circumstances not unlike many of the poor dwelling in our cities. His earthly parents had no place to stay- they were turned away from several establishments before finding rest in a humble stable. Christ came into the world "...to bring good news to the poor...to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives..." (Isaiah 61:1).

Daren drove this young man to a nearby shelter where he could stay and get meal. Daren also gave him his hat and gloves and prayed for him before dropping him off. Yet, when Daren returned home, he could only shake his head and say,"So sad."

If this were the end of the story, there would be no hope- no reason for celebrating this season. But we know that Hope has come. Hope was born in a dirty stable- in poverty and obscurity. Hope has come so that men and women who wander down cold, dark streets can find warmth and light in our Savior.

We have hope that this young man Daren met on our street might find Christ. We have hope that a seed was planted in his heart.

May the words of O Little Town of Bethlehem encourage your hearts:

Yet in thy dark streets shineth

The everlasting Light,

The hopes and fears of all the years,

Are met in thee tonight.

Christ has, indeed, come. And he has come to the dark streets of the inner city so that the lost may have their hope fulfilled in them.

A Child's Prayer for the Poor

 "Dear God, thank you for this day. Help daddy to have a safe trip home and help Justus not to fall down the stairs again. And help us to love the poor. Amen."

I'll admit that Jackson's prayers can be all over the place, but that night I was truly touched by his prayer and also a bit baffled. I asked him where he had learned to pray for the poor. He replied, "That's how Daddy prays."

And then it hit me (as it has many times) how impressionable children are and that they truly do hear us when we speak (even if they don't always obey).

I'm hoping that his prayer for the poor becomes much more than simply repeating what he has heard his father pray. I pray he grows in to a man whose love for the downtrodden and the marginalized becomes deeply embedded in his heart. And not only that, I pray that he has a heart for empowering the poor- believing that God can do great things through them.

As believers, we are commanded by God to show compassion for the poor, the orphans, the alien and those in prison. In fact, there are over 50 passages on how we should treat the poor in the Old Testament alone!

Somehow, I think this message has gotten lost. We think that this is the job for social agencies or church charities. Our hearts have become hard. We look at the woman begging on the street and condemn her in our hearts. We blame her for her poor choices and we refuse to give her a couple dollars because we are certain she will spend it on "booze and drugs". We look at immigrants and demand that they be legal and shun them if they don't have all the right documentation. We angrily shout for their immediate deportation without a thought to how it might destroy a family. We judge and disparage the youth on the street with sagging pants- immediately putting him into the category of gang member or delinquent. We don't think of the leadership potential this young man might have if someone invested into him. We shake our heads in contempt at the single mom using government assistance to pay for her groceries. We think to ourselves, "If only she would get a job like the rest of us." We never considered that she may work but still not have enough for rent, childcare and groceries...

God calls all of us, regardless of our jobs, to show love and compassion for the marginalized. I think of my uncle who stood up for the minority workers at his job who were being mistreated by one of the foremen. He stood up for the rights of the alien, the oppressed. He even quit his job until the situation improved. In his own way, he fought injustice. And because a took a stand, he gave a voice to the voiceless.

It doesn't matter where you live, what kind of job you have or what your political affiliation is. If you are a believer you are called to live out this verse:

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

    and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

    and break every yoke?

7 

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe them,

    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?" Isiah 58:6-7

But let us not just "feel sorry" for the broken and the marginalized. Let us seek to empower and raise up leaders among the urban poor so that through the church, we might expand the kingdom. I love this quote from our Christ the Victor church planting manual: "We will empower the least in the world's eyes to be great in the kingdom of God. We will prayerfully and aggressively seek the advance of God's kingdom, stopping at nothing to win the hardest, darkest and poorest places in our cities for Christ."

You and I have a duty to stand up for the rights of the oppressed, to show compassion for the downtrodden and to empower the "least of these". 

Like Jackson, let the poor find a place in our daily prayers.

A Wedding You Won't Read about in People Magazine

These days weddings have taken on a life of their own. One only has to open a People magazine and see all the extravagance of the latest Kardashian wedding: horse-drawn carriages, private jets, lavish gowns and jewelry-all totaling over 28 million dollars! As a missionary who regularly witnesses the devastation of poverty, I can’t help but think what good a fraction of that money could have done if given to a charity or non-profit organization…but I digress. Of course, we know celebrity weddings tend to be over-the-top affairs. However, the average American wedding is quickly following suit. According to some stats, the average American wedding costs between 20 and 29 THOUSAND dollars! Um…my wedding was nowhere near that!

All of this was lodged in the back of my mind as Daren and I made our way to the Hutchinson Correctional Facility to attend a very different kind of wedding. Daren was about to officiate his first ceremony in a prison.The groom is a TUMI (The Urban Ministry Institute) student with a genuine desire to grow in his knowledge of the Lord.The bride is a Christian woman who also loves the Lord and is raising a teenaged boy. She has recently started coming to some of our church events (she lives in Hutchinson). Daren was honored do their premarital counseling. Both are excited and eager to serve the Lord together.

As we and the wedding party (a few family members and the bride) made our way into the prison (which is quite a long and complicated process of removing shoes, jewelry and getting visitors' passes- imagine going through security at the airport), I couldn't help but notice the glowing bride. Despite all the hassles and restrictions of having your wedding in a prison (no digital cameras, have to change into your gown in the bathroom) she could barely contain her excitement. She was minutes away from marrying the love of her life.

We proceeded through several gates, the prison common area and up a narrow flight of stairs to a row of classrooms. We arrived at the classroom where the ceremony would take place. There was no air conditioning and the only items in the room were a few mismatched plastic chairs, a folding table and an old wooden podium. There were no decorated pews, no beautiful candelabras or organ music. The only photographer was me and all I had was one disposable camera. Despite all this, the wedding was beautiful because it was centered on the love of two people who have dedicated themselves to God and each other. The bride was glowing and the groom was elated. During the ceremony, both bride and groom read aloud the stories of how God had drawn them together and to Himself. Many tears were shed as they recalled the broken road that led them together and ultimately to Christ.

As Daren pronounced them husband and wife, the small gathering of family let out a cheer. Both the bride and groom had looks of utter joy on their faces even though they would soon be separated. They only had 30 minutes following the ceremony before the groom had to be back in his cell.

During the ceremony, I couldn’t help but compare this simple wedding to so many others I had witnessed. While it may have lacked some of the niceties we typically take for granted (special music, candles, wedding cake), it had something so much more valuable: a wedding centered on Christ. The focus of the ceremony was so clear. It wasn’t a photo op or something that would make a cute Facebook post- it was about two people committed to one another and Jesus Christ. To me, that’s a wedding I want to read about in People magazine.