When you can't sleep or find yourself awake during the still, quiet hours of the night, you have the opportunity to be in prayer for others who might be lying awake. Those who are in pain or sorrow. Those who weep and feel alone:
"In the middle of the night I pray for those who sleep and those who cannot sleep. I pray for those with fearful hearts, for those whose courage is waning. I pray for those who have lost vision of what could be." (Seven Sacred Pauses, 31).
So I started praying. I prayed for friends I know are going through tough times. Friends battling sickness. Friends struggling with marriage issues. I prayed a general prayer for all who were suffering.
As I lay there in the dark, my own pain began to surface. Not the physical pain in my mouth, but the deeper pain in my heart: the death of a dream. As overjoyed as I am to give birth to a precious baby boy in a few months, there is a fuzzy type of grief that accompanies this joy: a grief that I will never know the delight of a daughter (this is our third and last child). I'm not quite ready to unload all of these emotions in written word yet, but I know that grief and sadness over small "deaths" is a normal part of life and nothing to be ashamed of.
I know of many dear sisters who are grieving the loss of a dream- the loss of a vision they had for themselves, their marriage or their children.
Maybe you, too, are grieving a personal loss. Maybe your child is getting bullied at school and you feel helpless. Maybe you were passed over for a job you desperately desired and thought God had directed you to. Maybe the marriage bliss you expected when you said "I do" turned out to involve more heartache than you anticipated. Maybe you feel anger at God and this makes you feel even worse.
It's okay. It really is.
It is okay you feel anger. Pain. Sadness. God can handle your feelings and His great mercy, He does not condemn us for our human emotions. He longs to draw us close and hide us under the shadow of His wings (Psalm 91.4).
It is okay to mourn the death of a dream- no matter how "silly" or "unimportant" it may seem to others.
So next time, you find yourself staring at the ceiling during the dark watches of the night, remember others are in the same place you are. You are not alone. God sees you. And He sees all who suffer. Take a few minutes and offer a short prayer for those burdened by grief, pain and sorrow:
"Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend to the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen." (The Divine Hours, 515).
