Proverbs 19:18 says, "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death."
My mom read this verse to me the other day as we were sitting on the deck of our condo while vacationing in Colorado. I had just finished battling it out with Jackson after he decided to throw a tantrum over something ridiculous. My morning coffee was now cold and my patience was dangerously thin. I felt exhausted. No amount of parenting books can prepare you for what it takes to raise a strong-willed child.
I was somewhat encouraged knowing that the battles we fight now will hopefully shape Jackson into a young man who has an obedient heart.
However, our battles for the day were not over- not by a long-shot. Later on, we all decided to take a hike along Boreas Pass. The beginning of the trail wasn't too steep, so we let Jackson walk. At a certain point the trail began to get rockier and we decided he needed to ride in our backpack carrier. Well, Jackson did not want to get in the carrier. He continued kicking and screaming the entire time we wedged his body into the pack. Thinking he would eventually calm down, we kept him in there. But he kept on yelling and lunging side to side. At this point, Daren and I decide the hike was over for us. We took Jackson out and told everyone else to go on. This made Jackson throw an even bigger fit. He wanted to continue on with everyone else, but we told him that was not an option. We knew it was important for him to realize the consequence of his actions.
As we headed down the trail, Daren had to carry the screaming and writhing Jackson. After an intense five minutes of this drama, Jackson finally calmed down. He apologized and we managed to make it back in relative peace.
Thirty minutes later, we all loaded up and pulled out of the parking lot. At that moment, we see four police vehicles pull up, one of them was an SUV with a trailer containing 4-wheelers. We all wondered what had happened and if someone on the trail was in danger. Daren, Jackson and I were riding with my parents. The rest of our group was in the vehicle behind us. We slowed down when we noticed the police stop their car. All of a sudden two police officers approach our car. They ask my dad, "Is there a Daren and Tina in there?" I roll down my window and identify myself and Daren. At this point, I am feeling anxious. What could they possibly want with us? He asks us for our identification and asks us if Jackson is our son. He says they received a call from a lady on the trail who reported hearing a child screaming, "Let me go! Help me!" The lady was very shaken up and thought the child might be in danger. The officer asked me if Jackson had been screaming on the trail and if he had said those things. My heart rate accelerated and my mouth went dry. I explained the whole incident on the trail as best as I could saying that he wanted Daren to let him go, but we didn't trust him to walk along the trail until he had calmed down. We didn't want him to injure himself. The officer asked if this was normal behavior for him. I replied, "He's two- he has tantrums! Most 2 year-olds do!" I was beginning to panic. Did they suspect us of child abuse? A sudden bolt of fear shot through me as I pictured them taking my son from me. When the officer asked me if Jackson got the scratch on his knee from the hike, I was on the verge of telling them I wouldn't answer any more questions until my lawyer was present.
Then they explained that the lady who called thought that a child was being kidnapped- that was the reason they were questioning us. I assured them that Jackson was my son! The fact that they were just trying to make sure a child hadn't been kidnapped relaxed me a little, but they still wouldn't let us go. I had to tell my story again and we had to wait for a senior office to clear us to leave. I was still very tense and on the verge of tears. After what seemed like an eternity, they let us go. They were quite jovial at this point- joking with Jackson and telling us to have a good vacation. Well, this was definitely not the high point of our vacation!
Later on that evening, we could all laugh about it, but I was still a little shaken up. My child actually threw a tantrum so loud someone thought he was being abducted! I wondered if there was something we could have done differently. How could we have avoided this?
As parents, we are hardest on ourselves. We constantly compare our children or our parenting styles to other parents. We wonder if we are "doing it right" or if we are damaging our children for life. All I know is that Lord commands us to discipline our children in love. We love Jackson and know that the battles we fight now are shaping his character. Though sometimes it still feels like all our efforts are for naught, we are beginning to see the fruits of our labor.
Funny thing, James Dobson never mentions a scenario like this in any of his books. Maybe 15 years from now, Daren and I will write a book...mostly full of stories how we didn't quite know what we were doing but made it through anyhow. :)
