Women with "True Grit"

"Mommy, you have no bumps on your arms."

"What do you mean, bumps?"

"Daddy has big bumps on his arms."

"Oh, you mean muscles."

"Yes. You don’t have any muscles."

While it’s true that my arms cannot compare to my husband's (or to that of First Lady Michelle Obama), I am not completely without “bumps” as my three year old would claim. I have birthed two hefty boys and have carried them up and down stairs, lifted them in and out of car seats and have paced back in forth with them in my arms during the long watches of the night. I do, indeed, have muscles (in addition to back and shoulder problems).

Yet, my true strength as a woman does not come from my muscle definition alone. I come for a long line of strong women who defy the notion that woman is the weaker sex. My grandma on my dad’s side was a farmer’s wife and mother to six children (four of those boys). A sweet woman full of love and compassion, one might not see the strength in this soft-spoken woman. She survived breast cancer as a younger woman, reared six children, and made several trips to the emergency room with sons with broken ribs, collar bones, poisoning from insecticide, a lacerated hand, and more. Farming isn’t for the faint of heart. When her youngest wandered into the pen with steers, she boldly ran in, getting kicked in the head, so she could rescue her little boy. She passed away two years ago and I still miss her sweet smile. I will always remember that she carried herself with strength, grace and dignity.

My own mother has raised four children in the mission field of the inner city. She managed to take care of all of us as well as lead a dynamic ministry among women in the city. I've watched her hold her own in dangerous neighborhoods where people questioned her right to be there spreading the Word of God. She never let fear deter her from what God called her to do. 

Whenever I feel overwhelmed and I think, “Life is too hard. I just don’t have the strength to do what needs to be done”, I remember the women who came before me. The hardy pioneer women who gave birth in leaky wagons on the Oregon Trail, the intrepid women who stepped up during WWII and did a “man’s job” working in aircraft and munitions factories, and the uncompromising women who fought for equality so I can vote. And then I think of the women whose faces I know well- my own mother and grandmothers. And I think, if they were strong, I can be strong.

"I have enjoyed riches and suffered the pangs of poverty. I have seen U.S. Grant when he was little known. I have baked bread for General Fremont and talked to Kit Carson. I have run from bear and killed most all other kinds of smaller game."

~ Nancy Kelsey, pioneer and mother of 11 children, 1841 (America's Women, Gail Collins, 209).

"She laughs at the time to come"

Maybe, if you're like me, you feel like you don't quite measure up to the "Proverbs 31 woman". I was recently reading through this Proverb and considered some of its verses:

• "She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household..." Me: "She shops at Walmart and when she is really tired she provides frozen pizza for her family."
• "...her clothing is fine linen and purple." Me: "Her clothing is a cotton/polyester blend from the clearance rack at Target."
• ''...she opens her mouth with wisdom..." Me: "She opens her mouth and says something she instantly regrets."
• "...she laughs at the time to come"  Me: "She wrings her hands in worry about what the future holds."

What confidence to be able to laugh at the days to come! I don't believe that has ever been my reaction when considering the future and all the unknowns that lie ahead- unless you count nervous laughter verging on hysteria...

The verse preceding states that "strength and dignity are her clothing". This woman has pride in herself- pride in who God has created her to be and she has the strength to face the days ahead. I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord has equipped me and will continue to equip me for whatever the future holds. There are moments of panic when I dwell on the hurdles that will surely come as I raise my children, continue in ministry and face my own personal struggles. My mind races with questions: "What will I do if..." What will happen when..."

Well, maybe I can't laugh at the days to come yet, but I'm working on it. Right now, I'll try to heed Matthew 6:34: "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

A Shout-Out to All You Moms!

While there is no road map for raising children, I often wonder, "Am I doing this right?" Unfortunately, guilt sometimes accompanies the decisions I make and the actions I take as a parent. As moms, we can compare ourselves to other mothers. We scan facebook, and suddenly feel guilty as we see posts and pictures of the mom who has endless energy to bake healthy treats, take her kids on educational outings everyday and still keep an immaculate house. We never read posts about moms who lose their temper and yell at their child for scratching deep grooves into their coffee table with the tip of an umbrella (confession: that was me). So we condemn ourselves and continue on in our endless pursuit to be "that mom who has it all together". Well, enough is enough! We may not be perfect, but God designed us to be exactly the kind of mom our children need us to be. And with His help, we can be moms who are Christ-like which is far superior than any made-up version we have in our heads.

With that said, here's a shout-out to:

- The mom whose kid is screaming in the shopping cart- I won't judge you because I've been there (haven't we all)!

- The mom who works full time- you go girl! You truly amaze me with how you balance it all (yes, you Dana Oswald!)

- The mom who is raising teenagers and pre-teens- I haven't been down that road, but it's challenging and you deserve a pat on the back!

- To the mom who feels guilty about her kid watching back-to-back episodes of Thomas the Tank Engine so she can get some stuff done- don't feel guilty, a little TV never hurt a kid and it's important for us moms to feel like we are productive!

- To the mom who buys store-bought cookies and frozen lasagnas, we aren't all Betty Crockers and that's okay!

- To the mom who homeschools, I don't know how you do it, but way to go!

- The the missionary mom who balances motherhood and ministry, you're expanding God's kingdom both within your home and outside it!

- To the mom who sometimes cries at night because it all seems so overwhelming, it's a normal feeling and you are not alone!

- To the first-time mom with a sleepless newborn, it does get easier (eventually)!

- To the mom who has had to learn algebra all over again so she can help her teenager with his homework, graduation day is around the corner!

- To the mom with a baby, toddler and kindergartener, congratulations on remaining sane!

- To the mom who is still in her pajamas at lunch time, some days are like that and who says you have to be dressed to be productive!

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. We are all in different stages and seasons of motherhood, but each one is uniquely challenging and rewarding. Keep on, all you super moms!

A New Year...

My New Year's resolution for 2012 was that I start a blog and post at least once a month. I did a fairly good job- I didn't post every month but I made up for it by posting twice in some months. :) I wanted to have the same resolution for this year. As you can see, it is January 31 and I have only two hours before  February makes its appearance.

Last night I lay awake trying to think of something interesting, though-provoking or original to write about. Well...nothing came to me.

So, I thought I'd write something about the new year- not the usual stuff on resolutions and all that jazz.   I want to focus on my hopes for the new year:

I hope to SURVIVE another year of motherhood. I hope to survive sickness, exhaustion, temper tantrums and continual self-sacrifice as I tend to the needs of my beloved children. As much as I love them, I'll be honest, there are some days when I fantasize about my golden years when my boys are grown up and living their own lives. I long for the day when I can simply plop down on the couch a read a book cover to cover and take a shower without worrying whether the baby is crying or whether my three year old is using my bed as a trampoline. 

I hope to ENJOY my children. Yes, as I previously mentioned, there are times when a mom just has to focus on survival. But I don't want to miss out on all the wonderful moments along the way. The simple pleasures of cuddling on the couch, singing lullabies at night and kissing the soft skin on their chubby cheeks; seeing the world through their eyes as they ask questions about the things around them; and hearing "I love you" when it is least expected.

I hope for PEACE in my life life. I seek freedom from worry and anxiety. At times, it feels like I am stumbling around carrying a backpack filled with useless bricks. The bricks serve no purpose but to exhaust me and slow me down. I hope to learn how to cast my "bricks" upon Christ, for He cares for me (I Peter 5:7).

I hope to MINISTER to those living in my community-especially women. I pray that the Lord will use me as His vessel to bring light and hope to women who do not know Him. 

I hope to LEARN more about God's Word, the culture of people we minister to and the issues that pertain to ministry. I pray for the ability to understand the limits of my own understanding and the humility to learn from others.

I hope to CREATE. I've realized that there is a part of me that needs a creative outlet. It is energizing for me to put my creative skills (however small they may be) to good use. Whether it is re-covering chairs or playing with mod podge- there is a great sense of satisfaction in knowing I created something truly original. How awesome it is to know that the ultimate Creator created us to have the same ability (on a much, much lesser scale, of course).

On my own, I couldn't hope to do any of these things. Thankfully, I serve a God who gives me all that I need.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).

A Year in Review

It's difficult to summarize an entire year in a few paragraphs, so I thought I'd wrap up 2012 with some lists.


Family Highlights
Daren's ordination!
The adoption of our niece, Willow Grace!
The birth of our second son, Justus Scott!
The day Justus was released from the hospital!
Jackson being potty-trained and moving into his big-boy bed!
The birth of Kate Rene, our second niece!

Top Ministry Moments
Attending our first-ever regional women's retreat and hearing women's stories and testimonies.
All the fun and memorable moments at CTV Family Camp.
Weekly prayer walks with Jackson in our neighborhood.
The CTV Ladies Craft Time Amber and I planned and hosted.

Gut-Wrenching Experiences
Finding out our son was experiencing seizures and would be admitted into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
Sitting in the parents' room of the NICU while Justus underwent a spinal tap.
Receiving a phone call that Dana and Nick had been in a bad car accident and her water broke.
(Thankfully, through the Lord's awesome grace and provision, each one of these experiences had a happy ending)

Thought-Provoking Books

"The Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl", Harriet Ann Jacobs
"Theirs is the Kingdom: Celebrating the Gospel in Urban America", Robert D. Lupton
"Life with God", Richard Foster
"Narrative of Sojourner Truth"
"Jesus Calling", Sarah Young

Most-Played Songs on my Ipod
"Moves Like Jagger"- Maroon 5
"I Got a Woman"- Ray Charles
"Home"- Phillip Phillips
"Little Lies"- Fleetwood Mac
"Hello"- Lionel Richie
"Love You Like a Love Song"- Selena Gomez

Most-Watched Netflix Shows
Downton Abbey
Mad Men
Breaking Bad
Parks and Rec
Desperate Housewives
Army Wives
Battlestar Galactica
Star Trek
(Yes, my taste in televison shows are quite varied and eclectic!)

I Survived...
Being pregnant and raising a two year old along with teaching at staff trainings, being project manager for CAP (and also teaching and assessing) and being a core group leader for Community Bible Study.
A mountain hike with a screaming toddler and a police inquiry (someone thought Jackson was being kidnapped due to his hysterics).
12 days of having my baby in the hospital.
30 minutes of horrendous pain as a doctor scraped my uterus for leftover placenta after delivery.
Christmas was with a baby and a sick toddler.
Weeks of sleepless nights, toddler temper tantrums, and the insanity of adjusting to life with 2 kids!

So long, 2012! All in all, you weren't a bad year. Looking forward to what 2013 will bring!

Hope for a Weary World

I'll admit that when bad things happen to me or my loved ones, I wonder why God allows such things to occur. When I hear about terrible crimes committed against innocent victims, I question God's compassion. I know God is sovereign- He is in control and nothing can ever change that. His love is greater than anything we can imagine- yet these questions lurk in the back of my mind when there are no easy answers.

I try to make sense of these things- I try to understand why God allows suffering. Sometimes, there is an explanation. We know from James that suffering produces perseverance (James 1:2-4). God can shape our character through hard times. However, I am realizing that there is not always an explanation for suffering other than we live in a fallen world. Sometimes we can't make sense of why things happen.

In my devotional, Jesus Calling, I was struck by the following passage:

"Because the world is in an abnormal, fallen condition, people tend to think chance governs the universe. Events may seem to occur randomly, with little or no meaning. People who view the world this way have overlooked one basic fact: the limitations of human understanding. What you know of the world you inhabit is only the tip of the iceberg. Submerged beneath the surface of the visible world are mysteries too vast for you to comprehend...This is why you must live by faith, not by sight; trusting in My [God's], mysterious, majestic Presence" (581).

In a way, it's comforting to know that we don't have to have all the answers. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 55:8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, " declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

It's difficult to have faith when explanations allude us and situations seem hopeless. When I allow myself to dwell on my own suffering or the suffering of others, I neglect to accept the joy and peace the Lord so freely gives. God never promised us a problem-free life, but He did promise us His Holy Spirit to guide and comfort us.

We live in a fallen world where bad things happen and we don't know why. We live in a world where people are hurting, downtrodden, weary. Thankfully, we live in a world with a Savior. A Savior who gives Hope, Peace, Joy and most of all LIFE.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. 

The Marginalized

I was recently struck by a passage I read from Micheal Elliott's book, "Community of the Abandoned.":

"We, like the first followers, want Jesus to act like a king. We want choirs of angels to sing preludes and postludes with every appearance...Yet he continues to speak with a still, small voice, when we demand a brass section. His face is not aglow. It is dirty. He dwells with the starving masses and the frightened flocks. Like the shepherd he is, Jesus searches for the lost ones of the flock, he stays on the edge of acceptable society with the marginalized" (122).

Who are the marginalized in my neighborhood? Who are the people that are hard to love?

The other day, I was taking the boys for a stroller ride in our neighborhood. I passed by Kathy's house. It looked abandoned. I hadn't been to visit her in months. I felt guilty. My visits with Kathy were not what I'd call "productive." Kathy is mentally challenged. Our conversations would often center around her paranoid delusions and sometimes it was hard to make sense of what she said.

But despite this, whenever I would come to visit, Kathy was always willing to talk about the Bible and ask for prayer. I invited her to church many times. She came once, but left shortly after arriving. Being around a large group of people was just too overwhelming for her.

Kathy is one of the people that fell through the crack. Since she never came back to church, it was easy to forget to visit her. She is one of the marginalized. Now she is gone. Her home is vacant. The colorful wind chimes that used to hang from her porch are gone. So are the patio chairs with the worn cushions that we would sit on as we chatted. I have no idea where Kathy is now. I may never have another chance to talk with her or pray with her.

After seeing her empty house, I felt convicted. I know that Kathy may never be a leader in one of our church plants, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't worth a little time and investment. Jesus didn't spend most of His time with great, charismatic and influential people. He spent it with prostitutes and beggars, with the lame and blind, with people who smelled bad and were looked down upon. He spent time with the Kathys of the world.

With a baby, toddler and ministry responsibilities, it's easy for me to get so busy I forget why I live in my neighborhood. I live here so I can visit those who are hurting and lost and love them regardless of what they can offer me. I live here so I can be Christ to those who have yet to meet Him.

My prayer is this:

"Keep me ever mindful Lord, 
that you hang around with the victims of life.
Give me the courage to take off my blinders
and to hang around the people
you are with." (137).